Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
