If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
