I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
