In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
