in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
