Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
