Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
