I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
