I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize