peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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