So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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