If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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