another moral hangover. fuck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
