I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
