You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
3 2 1 whiskey
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
