I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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