I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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