Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
