If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
