i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
