I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize