Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
