Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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