I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize