You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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