I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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