I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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