He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
