I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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