You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
