my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
