is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
either way he was missing a nipple.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
