I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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