I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
