I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were trust falling into bushes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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