Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
