This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize