Your face is a jimmy john
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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