Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
