My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
