I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize