We're facebook friends in real life
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
