Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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