i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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