i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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