I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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