you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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