It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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