so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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