I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
