Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
