i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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