after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
