Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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