So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
