sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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