Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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