apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
