I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
