I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
