If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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