Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
