Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
