I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
