we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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