I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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