I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
